Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
