Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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