Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
