Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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