So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
