90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
