I'm really into asian looking animals
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
