that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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