I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
