HIV tests are more positive than that guy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
