Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
