I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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