my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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