I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
