The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
