Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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