I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
