She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
