my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
