Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
