Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
