My nipple is on Facebook.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
