Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
