Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
