why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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