we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why can't burritos get me drunk
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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