Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
