I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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