drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
