Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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