Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
