Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize