If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My cat gives me a boner
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
