CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
