weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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