Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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