you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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