Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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