I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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