Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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