your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i drank out of a bidet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
