The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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