What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
