dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
