I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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