idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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