I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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