Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
