so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
