did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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