LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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