nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
