I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
